Hello World,
My name is Victor LaRue Bates II. I am 22 years old and a college graduate with a degree from DeVry University in Electronics Engineering Technology. I like to draw and play my saxophone.
Judging from my introduction, most people probably would not think that I need help but I do. I don't want a freebie. But a job would be nice.
My family is poor so when I went to school in order to go full time I had to work two jobs in order to pay off books and credit card debt that I accumulated with living expenses. But Because my jobs where through Federal Work Study. They ended when I graduated.
I did not have a license or a car at the time and I still do not have one now.
I tried really really hard to find a job but unfortunately I could not. After interview and interview and interview for six months I was never good enough to get the job. So when new years came i stopped looking.
And so now I lay here crying my heart out to God in my room typing this letter for help.
I live with my mom who can barely pay for bills and it breaks m heart that I have become a dead beat son. My little brother no longer looks at me the same anymore.
But I wouldn't if I was him either. I am sad all the time, no longer wont to go outside, overweight, loosing friends from college because im afraid to answer my phone because it might be a bill collector, and no longer want to even live. But I am too afraid to kill myself. My dreams have been shattered. And even though I am only 22 I ask myself everyday...
"Is this it. Is this it! I worked my ass of for nothing! I worked hard in school. Studied. Graduated Saludatorian from High Shool. Maintained a 3.2 gpa in ollege. And I am doomed do this. a live where i do nothing. feel nothing. care and love for no one. not even myself. why? why? are u mad at me god? please tell me what did i do wrong?
And I get no answer. Not from god. not from anyone. I ask my mom what to do and she says pray. I ask my grandmother and she says keep trying to get a job. So i decide to try to apply. And apply. And apply. I go to stores they say fill out an application online. i get no answer. i call and they say they will review my application and still no answer. I even applied for burger king and mcdonalds. and still i get no answer.
I know that i have to grow up and become a man and answer questions for myself. but i would still like input from someone. I have only one friend. luckily she keeps me from becoming i hikikomori. but i still don't know what today.
I have researched my own feelings to try and find out whats wrong with me because i do not have alot of self esteem nor do i like to truly examine myself. So far all i have to go on is i am going through a quarter life crises.
I am indecisive about everything. Over analyze all situations for fear of the outcome and getting hurt. And I doubt and curse my own abilities thinking they will never be good enough despite the praise and accolades of other people. But enough is enough. I no longer want to be depressed. I no longer want to be sad. I no longer want to mooch off my mother. So any help you an give would be greatly appreciated.
Below is my contact information. I live in Irving Texas so any job opportunities you find within bus distance would be great. Even itf it means I have to clean toilets ill do it.
Victor Bates
vlbatesii@hotmail.com
214.405.3191
Please. Please. Please. Help me get out of my quarter life crises. i would love to survive this and hope to help another kid survive theirs.
